A therapist once told me that opportunity was one of my triggers, and I thought that was pretty stupid.

The only thing that I know for certain is if “Nevada,” by Imogen Binnie, were to continue past its final page, James would do heroin.

I don’t know when, I don’t know if it’s a major plot point, I don’t know if it’s the same stuff he stole from Maria; but sooner or later (barring a pre-emptive death, I guess), James does heroin.

But it’s probably the next day. Nicole asks him questions all the way back to Star City and he gives clipped answers that make less sense the more you look at them. Nicole knows he’s lying but can’t quite figure out what to do with it, so when they get back to his place she decides they should just watch a movie, they both work the next day and neither of them has the energy anyway.

At work James’ stoned brain rakes through the past 48 hours. Maria, transness, Reno, Nicole, heroine. 

Transness, Maria, The Munsters, the dress in his closet, caption porn, Nicole caption porn heroine. 

Heroine transness weed Nicole, the dress in his closet, Maria Reno heroine. 

James googles how to do it while he’s on lunch. He’s like, I won’t do it today, might not ever, but I want to know how at least.

He and Nicole have plans to talk that night but when he gets home he’s sticky and bewildered. He smokes weed, sits at his computer, and googles Maria’s name. Fidgets. Nothing really comes up, and fuck her anyway, so he doesn’t try very hard. He needs a project.

He decides to see if “How to do heroin” looks any different on the desktop. It doesn’t. The heroin is in his closet. His place gets real quiet while he’s like, Fuck it, I’m gonna do heroin. He smokes weed. He does heroin. Fuck her anyway.

Meanwhile, who knows. Maria made it to the coast, or got arrested on the way, or realized half her stash was gone and started speeding back towards James. Nicole decided to break up with him, or she got hit by a bus, or she saw one of Maria’s stringy maroon hairs in the sunrise on the futon and spent all day throwing up. Steph and Kieren actually do fuck, Piranha OD’s, the unnamed fancy bookstore in Manhattan burns to the ground, Donald Trump gets elected president and starts executing trans people in the streets—I don’t know—but I do know that James does heroin.

Unless he already did it? Somewhere between chapter 29 and 30. Or in that first sentence where Nicole comes and picks him up in a couple hours. But if that’s the case, he sounds awful lucid for the next couple paragraphs.