Phantom Tits

I know this sounds fake, but, before I transitioned, I sometimes felt phantom limb sensations for breasts that I didn’t have. It was like I could feel the weight of their absence.

Eventually, I bought breast forms—essentially prosthetic breasts that you attach to your body and wear under your clothes. Most of them are crude and cheap, but after my egg cracked, before I started hormones, I splurged on a pair of the best breasts available: Aphrodite Divine Collection self-adhering breast forms. They look and feel as real as they can, but to me their best feature is that they’re naturally tacky on the side that attaches to your body—and when you pair that natural tackiness with an adhesive body spray, you can wear the forms, sometimes even without a bra, for hours.

So I could go from feeling phantom tits, (like when you lose your breath at the top of a hill, or you can’t find your phone), to feeling fairly heavy, fairly big breasts stickily straining against gravity on my chest. And sometimes, after a joint, in a dark room, when I was only a silhouette in a mirror, that feeling was what the trans call gender euphoria.

Shortly after I started hormones, before my breasts really grew in at all, I tried on the forms and they didn’t feel right. After a while I washed them thoroughly and gifted them to a person who I thought might like them as much as I did.