Horse boy

Horse Girl ended up being a creepy movie in the way that Duplass Bros stuff is creepy, which is exactly the kind of creepy that sits with me for awhile and makes me feel like, ‘aren’t these keys a little flakier than they used to be?’ Shows where people have difficult relationships with their brain get to me because I feel like it’s something I recognize, even if it’s not something I specifically know, it’s a strong feeling of dejavu and a double take in the food court.

I was unable to take the lamictal last night, and I just took it now, and everything definitely feels weird. I was just thinking about your blog, and how it’s undoubtably better than mine, and how it would end up making you famous and I’d just be here pounding sand or something. And I was just feeling the fear that I’ll never make anything good again. This begin again thing is frightening right now. I feel like I’m on life support or like I’m dead or like I’m a billion miles away in a spaceship or something spooky like that.

Right now I feel like I’m just the wrong texture or space or shade, I feel like there’s something in front of my face that I can’t touch. I am having the sense right now that like UGH these drugs must be killing my creativity, but the truth is that I’m out of practice. and it’s hard, and it’s scary and I don’t know where any of this is going to go, or if any of this means anything. And I feel like I am looking around at other people’s thoughts and faces and other people in general and just going, ugh with jealousy. and then losing my train of thought. and I just want to try, and keep trying, keep trying, keep trying.